NoFap with Girlfriend or partner: you need to read this if you’re in a relationship on NoFap.

You might have believed that if you’re doing NoFap while you’re in a relationship, nothing can go wrong.

After all, you can have sex whenever you want—and that would make your NoFap reboot easier.

Contrary to this belief, doing NoFap with a girlfriend, or while in a sexual relationship, or as a married man is a different ball game entirely.

NoFap with girlfriend two couples holding hand

If you’re on NoFap, and in a relationship, you have to do double the work that a single guy on NoFap will do.

This is because there are lots of traps that you need to avoid if you’re rebooting with a partner.

From the mode of NoFap you choose to the way you communicate NoFap with your partner, you have to be mindful of these several processes.

In this post, I present you with a checklist—recommendations of things you can do to ease the difficulties of doing NoFap if you have a girlfriend.

And if you can do these things, you’ll transform your relationship into something beautiful.

You’ll understand yourselves better, and as you continue with NoFap, your relationship gets deeper.

The six checklists and recommendations that’ll make your life easy when you’re doing NoFap with girlfriend

  1. CLEARLY define your NoFap goal

several arrows hitting a target

Why are you doing NoFap in the first place?

What are you hoping to achieve with NoFap?

You’re in a relationship, so, why go on NoFap?

Are you doing NoFap because of yourself, or because you want to please your girlfriend or your partner?

Getting clear answers to these questions is important.

It’s the answer to these questions that’ll dictate the mode you’ll choose for your NoFap.

These answers will also help you decide whether to bring your partner into the NoFap fold or not.

For clarity on this vital step, let’s explore the most common reasons why most people that are in a relationship go on NoFap;

  • You want to correct an erectile dysfunction problem you’ve developed because you watch too much porn,
  • You want to improve the emotional depth of your relationship because porn is replacing affection and romance, and
  • You want to achieve a personal goal—to improve your quality of life with the help of NoFap.

As you can see, the first two reasons are (mostly) centered on (and greatly influence) your relationship. The third reason is (mostly) personal.

The third reason has nothing to do with your girlfriend or partner—it’s all about you. But that doesn’t mean it won’t affect your girlfriend anyway.

This brings us to the next question on our checklist;

  1. Do you want to bring your girlfriend or partner into the NoFap fold?

No rule says you have to tell your partner or your girlfriend about NoFap.

So, don’t panic and start thinking it’s a must for you to tell your girlfriend about NoFap.

Some important factors might contribute to why you don’t want to talk about NoFap with your girlfriend;

  • Your relationship might be new: you guys might not have developed that level of closeness yet—to tell her about stuff like NoFap.
  • You might be worried that she might start looking at you differently after you open up about NoFap.

But, and this is a key point for you to consider:

If it wasn’t a porn addiction—if it were to be an alcohol or drug addiction, would you hide it from your partner when you’re ready to cure yourself?

Just because the society we live in is treating porn addiction as a dirty secret, that doesn’t mean it should be another secret you’re keeping from your partner.

Whether you keep NoFap a secret or not, the effects of PMO addiction is as real as any other behavioral addiction.

Chances are that if you’re a chronic PMO addict, the habit is already affecting your relationship.

Your partner would have noticed it, but won’t be able to put a finger on it.

If doing NoFap will—in one way or the other—affect your girlfriend, doesn’t she deserve to know what, and why you’re doing what you’re doing?

So, telling your partner about NoFap is you telling her that you want to be a better version of yourself and that you’re willing to make your relationship work.

That you’re willing to do what will make the relationship better.

Who would turn down such an offer?

I know it isn’t compulsory you tell your partner about NoFap, but I’m urging you to tell her anyway.

Telling your partner will only make your relationship stronger and make the entire NoFap process easier on you (and your partner).

If you’re still not confident about letting your partner in, here are some benefits you stand to gain if you decide to tell her;

  • You’re being more vulnerable by telling her about your PMO addiction. And vulnerability brings more intimacy.
  • You get to have support on your NoFap and even get an accountability partner—which is crucial to NoFap success.
  • You avoid sexual conflicts that might arise when you start flatlining, or when your erectile dysfunction is taking time to reverse.
  1. Communicate with your partner. Don’t stop at that, Educate her on what NoFap stands for.

NoFap with partner a couple talking

Hopefully, you’ve decided to bring your girlfriend into the NoFap fold.

But how do you do that?

Do you just send her a text that goes, “Hey babe, I’m going on NoFap! See you in the next three months!”

The way you present a piece of information is much more important than the information itself.

So, don’t be a jerk when you’re telling your girlfriend about NoFap.

Your aim when you do tell her is to educate her.

Either of two things will happen when you tell your girlfriend about NoFap:

  • either she doesn’t have an idea what NoFap is, or,
  • she already knows what it’s about.

If it’s the latter, your work is easy.

And if it’s the former, you get a chance to educate another person on planet earth about the dangers of porn to society.

Either way, you win.

And because of how mainstream porn (and masturbation) is nowadays, don’t be surprised if your partner is also addicted to porn.

And she might not even know how harmful it is.

My NoFap experience with my ex-girlfriend

Back when I was PMOing around the clock, a five-year relationship with my girlfriend started waning.

We started drifting apart.


Because she wasn’t interested in sex with me anymore, and neither was I with her.

So, I had to end the relationship.

Two years later, I learned about NoFap and all the side-effects of porn.

So, I started doing NoFap.

After a while of doing NoFap, I started to understand how my PMO addiction slowly ate away at my relationship and ruined a good thing I had.

Amidst this pity-trip I was on, I called her up and asked her out for a drink—just to catch up.

She agreed and we met up.

She told me she has met someone amazing, that he cares about her—and I was genuinely happy for her.

At that time, I was single, but because of NoFap, I was in a better place and I was more confident about pretty much everything.

We got to talking and I started apologizing for how things went down between us.

I told her about my addiction to porn at the time we were dating, and I told her about NoFap.

I told her how I now think in hindsight that it was my PMO addiction that contributed to the demise of our relationship.

As I educated her on all the symptoms of being addicted to porn, what porn was doing to my brain, to my ability to be intimate, she suddenly screamed, “OH MY GOD!!”

I was startled.

Why the hell did you let out that scream I asked.

And before I knew what was happening, I saw a tear trickling down her face.

Then she started muttering to herself, “Wow!! So, this is why I’m feeling this way about men lately.”

Confused, I urged her to talk to me and tell me what on earth is going on.

Then I heard one of the most shocking things I’ve ever heard in my life;

She said, “I’ve also been a masturbation addict for as long as I can remember. Now I know that was why I lost interest in having sex with you. I think it’s also the reason for the disconnect I suddenly started feeling towards you.”

She continued, “It’s gotten so bad now that I can’t even get intimate with my boyfriend anymore and I’m thinking of ending that relationship as soon as I can.”

NoFap education is more important than you know

It was on that fateful day I realized that the problems associated with PMO addiction are not limited to the NoFap forums, or just a “bro-science” anymore.

I realized it was a global pandemic.

The effects are real in many homes, affecting different people of different ages, different backgrounds, and any gender you associate with.

So, I educated my ex on all the side-effects of her habit (some of which she’s already noticed in her life), and all the withdrawal symptoms she should expect when she tries to quit.

I also gave her some tips on how to make her NoFap easier on herself.

I advised her to tell her boyfriend about it because if we had known about it back when we were dating—and talked about it, we might have savaged our relationship.

I kept her accountable for a while, and the last I heard, she’s now engaged with her boyfriend, and very soon, they’ll tie the knot.

The moral of the story?

When you want to communicate with your partner about NoFap, try and educate her.

Educate your partner on the havoc that porn has wrecked on your brain, your body, and your spirit.

Make the effort to explain the mode of NoFap you’ll do, the side-effects and the withdrawals you’ll get, and the benefits you’ll get if you complete the challenge.

Educate her on what she should expect from you in the coming weeks.

Tell her the things you expect from her in terms of support in the coming weeks—so that she will prepare for it.

  1. Be careful not to replace porn with sex when you’re on NoFap with your girlfriend

This is what you need to watch out for if you’re in a sexual relationship while on NoFap.

Something that I’ve watched played out with people in a relationship while they’re on NoFap is replacing the compulsion of jerking off to porn with the compulsion of having sex.

If you’re getting porn cravings, don’t be going for sex to ease that craving.

What you’ll be doing is substituting a compulsive habit with another one.

And at this rate, the sex can get too much, and you’ll start craving it just as you were craving porn.

Apart from becoming addicted to sex, you’re running the risk of objectifying your partner (than you already have).

The goal of NoFap is self-mastery over sexual-related habits. By using sex instead of porn, you’ve defeated the goal of NoFap.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex when you’re on NoFap. There are modes of NoFap that allows having sex.

But, the sex shouldn’t become compulsive—something that you must do, just like jerking off to porn is for you.

  1. Know that NoFap benefits may not come as fast as you’d like

Unless you’re doing the hard mode or monk mode of NoFap, the benefits of NoFap will not come as fast for the other modes.

If you have a girlfriend, doing the hard mode is highly unlikely, but not impossible.

That’s why it’s important to clearly define what you want to achieve with NoFap and communicate it with your partner.

Because if your goal for NoFap requires you to do the hard mode, you can talk with your partner. And you both can agree on it, so you can pull it off.

This is not to say that the other modes—normal mode and easy mode—of NoFap will not work fine for you.

It’s just that the NoFap benefits will not come as fast as it would for the hard mode and the monk mode.

You should prepare your mind for this and adjust your expectations accordingly.

Speaking of NoFap modes for those in a relationship, this brings me to the final item on the checklist;

  1. The best NoFap mode for you if you’re in a relationship

Know that the choice of your NoFap mode is entirely dependent on what you want to achieve with NoFap.

But, let me slip you a cheat mode that I use on NoFap when I have a girlfriend.

I do the normal mode: which is no porn, no masturbation, but sex is allowed.

Then I add a lot of the elements of the monk mode: which is that;

  • I meditate,
  • I read a lot of self-help books,
  • the only social media I use are Twitter (which I only follow football accounts to keep up with my team) and YouTube (which I only subscribe to self-help accounts that teach me stuff),
  • I exercise and do weight-lifting,
  • I fast every Monday, and
  • I don’t fantasize about porn.

The reason I add all these monk mode elements is so I can hasten the rewiring of my dopamine pathways.

And this consequentially, fast-track the benefits I get on NoFap.

So, the monk mode elements help me compensate for the leakage from when I have sex with my girlfriend.

Conclusion: NoFap with girlfriend or a partner

Sex used to be something that brings two souls together, that binds them, and makes them one.

But because of the porn-driven and hypersexual society we now live in, sex is now people using other people’s naked parts to masturbate.

We have sex now, just to get on with it. Just because of a compulsion to do it—to get that dopamine hit.

And it’s gotten so bad that some people can’t have sex without fantasizing porn.

And some people need to masturbate to porn or think porn thoughts before they can ejaculate.

So, unless you’re conscious of it, porn has destroyed any inkling of intimacy left in our world.

If you’re a PMO addict, your porn-watching habit has likely affected your sex life.

So, your decision to do NoFap is you breaking away from the porn Zombieland.

It’s the best decision for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

If there’s anything you take away from this post, I want you to know that if you’re doing NoFap while you’re in a relationship, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You should be proud of yourself. As I am proud of you.

If you found this post remotely helpful, please share it with others.

You never know who might need it. Spread the word on NoFap. Join the other fapstronaut soldiers.

If you would like me to make an addition or subtraction in this post, or you have any questions, or remarks, or you have an experience about this topic you would like to share with others, use the comment section below.

Till the next time we speak, STAY FAP-FREE, STAY WEALTHY!!

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8 thoughts on “NoFap with Girlfriend or partner: you need to read this if you’re in a relationship on NoFap.”

  1. Hi I have a girlfriend whilst also doing no fap, I’m curious if when I do sexual activities with my girlfriend such as giving her head and using my fingers to please her will this effect any of the nofap benefits? I don’t use my penis at all so I’m not PMOing and retaining my semen

    • In my opinion, I don’t think any of the things you listed should take away from your NoFap benefits.
      But, I think when those things also become compulsive, when you start doing it to get a dopamine hit, then it’ll start taking away from your NoFap.

  2. Hai, I’m afraid that my pmo has lead to unwanted fetishes and I don’t want to act out on these fetishes it’s almost like an ocd. I’m doing no fap so I can reset my brain into liking only her and every minor thing we do together and not risking of developing a fetish thay would hurt our relationship or her. Right now we are in LDR and I’m afraid I’ll loose feelings if I don’t fap to her. I’m slowly cutting porn from my life l.

  3. I’ve recently accepted that I’ve been porn addicted for most of my life (consistently “using” for nearly 30 years now). I’ve been doing a good job avoiding PMO for the past 30 days, or so. I’m finding much less compulsion to view porn and my libido seems to have calmed down (it was a serious struggle the first couple of weeks).

    I have a long term (10+years) GF who has become completely disinterested in sex, and has been for several years, though it was a solid part of our early relationship. I have to assume my addiction contributed to this, though I never lost interest in her, rather, she gradually became less affectionate to the point that we hardly have any physical contact that doesn’t seem to annoy her. I’ve always felt that I’m pretty undesirable, so it’s been easy for me to just justify that’s why she’s, apparently, revolted by my touch. I think I’ve used porn as a way of “self medicating” these past years, and it has allowed me to manage my sex drive and “give her a break”, but I’ve always hoped she’d eventually come back around.

    Since going noFap, I had a period of obsessively trying to rekindle our sex life. I was desperate! In a way, after reading this article, I guess I’m glad she wasn’t willing to participate, to replace one addiction with the other. Problem is, now I’m questioning the whole relationship. Sex once was just a thing we did (and seemed to enjoy!), and now it’s a big deal, me craving it and she being on the defense against my advances. As my urges have gotten more under my control I’m trying to figure out how to create the right scenario to get her interested again, without “forcing it”, but it feels like a losing battle. I’m starting to feel better about myself and with that has come less acceptance of the “I’m too gross to be desirable” inner monologue, so now there’s a growing resentment against her, despite my best efforts to stay level-headed. I’ve tried to talk to her. To ask her if there’s anything I can do, but she wont respond. I’m currently back to trying to “give her space”, but I’ve been very clear that I’m interested, if/when she is.

    I feel like this is probably the wrong time to be thinking about leaving such a long-term relationship, upending both our lives, when I’m so raw and trying to deal with a major change, but I also feel terrible and rejected, and that makes me want to dive back into PMO for solace (which, obviously, I know is absolutely the wrong thing to do). I feel like I’m stuck in a very toxic situation that only I am aware of/acknowledging. Aside from the lack of intimacy/affection we have a pretty solid situation. From the outside it probably looks nearly perfect. Am I being an asshole for thinking this is something that should end it? Especially after failing to directly address the issue for years, then suddenly making a big deal of it?

    I know I have an unhealthy relationship to sex/intimacy and I fear that I can/will never “heal”. I’m seeing this word used a lot in the NoFap world, but I have a hard time imagining what “healing” even is…

    I don’t have anyone in my life I feel comfortable talking to about this sort of thing, so I occasionally search for noFap forums to find stories or articles to help me feel less alone, but I’ve never participated in discussion before. For some reason, this post struck a chord. I think I may have just needed to vent, but I’ll take any advice, if anyone happens to read this.

    • Hello AW,

      I don’t think you’re an asshole for demanding to be intimate with your partner. And I’ll be honest, an intimate relationship without intimacy and no willingness to talk about why this is the case is broken no matter which angle you look at it from. So, don’t think because it’s convenient, or that you’ve invested 10+ years is a reason to subject yourself to a lifetime of torture is good.

      The only thing I think you should do as a last attempt to repair your relationship is share your addiction to PMOing with her. Let her know that you’re working on being a better version of yourself. If she’s also willing to make the relationship work, she’d at least communicate with you and you’ll both know what you can both do to make it work. But if she’s not willing to at least communicate, then you have a decision to make. Because you’d be lying to yourself if you say that sex isn’t important to you and you can live without it.

      This is my opinion. And I wish you the best of luck on becoming a better man!


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