The motivation for NoFap is quite important.
Because NoFap is one of those things that gets difficult at a point.
So, when the going gets tough, your motivation for doing NoFap can be the thing that stops you from relapsing.
But without a deep understanding of how motivation works, you might find it difficult to get motivated to keep going when you’re about to relapse on NoFap. Or find it difficult to get motivated enough to get back on the wagon when you relapse.
And for some people, getting motivated to start NoFap or stay on the NoFap wagon isn’t the problem, it’s what happens after they get motivated that’s the problem.
What you will learn
Why do you keep relapsing despite being really motivated?
Here’s a scenario I’ve seen play out severally;
You’re a couple of weeks into NoFap and you get hit with a wave of porn cravings.
But I don’t want to lose my streak you say. I don’t want to relapse.
So, on default, you scrambled for your phone and go on Google and landed on Reddit or the NoFap forum searching for NoFap motivation.
After some minutes, you’ve consumed motivating NoFap memes, looked at pictures, and even watched a guy’s video who claimed that NoFap turned him into superman. And after a while, you’re feeling good again about your NoFap streak and you’re glad you didn’t relapse.
You’re now pumped on the motivation juice. Like seriously pumped up.
But hours later, you’re holding your dick in your hand feeling miserable and depressed. You’ve just relapsed. Oops!
You might have found yourself in this conundrum in the past.
I’m here to give you the reasons why shit hit the fan despite being so motivated to keep your streak going.
There are two reasons;
- The two motivation personality types
- Motivation fades faster than you think
The two motivation personality types
Human beings can be classified into two motivation types. This classification is a result of what motivates us to do anything in the first place.
As humans, the major motivator of our actions (of whether we change or not) is the consequence of doing or NOT doing.
The Pain-Pleasure Consequence scale
The movie John Wick depicted this philosophy perfectly throughout its installments.
John was retired at the start of the movie. Yet, he did everything he did that ended up forfeiting his life all because of the painful consequences of not taking action.
You don’t work out at the gym because working out is fun. You’re motivated to work out consistently because of the pleasurable consequences of working out—like building muscles and looking attractive. Or the painful consequences of not working out—like developing serious health issues.
You don’t stop talking about your friends behind their backs because it’s fun not to. You don’t do it because of the painful consequences of being caught doing it.
So, in light of this realization, here’s an unoriginal quote from me;
“The bigger the consequence of doing something, or not doing something, the bigger the motivation to take action in either direction.”
Which side of the consequence scale do you react to the most?
There are two types of people.
People that are motivated most by pleasurable consequences
These people will be motivated to form a habit by thinking about the benefits of doing that habit.
Conversely, they’ll be motivated to drop a habit by thinking of the benefits of dropping it.
People that are motivated most by painful consequences
These people react most to pain. They’re much more motivated by pain than pleasure.
This personality type will be motivated to form a habit by thinking of the side-effects of not forming that habit.
Also, when it comes to kicking a habit (like dropping the bottle or stop watching porn), these people are most motivated when they think of the ramifications of continuing that habit.
How to pinpoint your motivation personality type
You can be either of these two motivation types.
Although you might oscillate from one side to another on the pain-pleasure scale, when it comes to kicking habits that you’ve done over and over again, you’ll only see results when you favor your innate side of the pain-pleasure consequence scale.
You’d have noticed that you react to pain and pleasure differently. One motivates you more than the other does.
- If you’re the type that doesn’t really start working on a project till the deadline is approaching, this indicates you’re more motivated by pain (the pain of being reprimanded or sacked).
- Another example; you save part of your earnings for rainy days, you’re more motivated by pain. If you save part of your earnings to invest in the future, you’re more motivated by pleasure.
If you still can’t figure out what motivates you the most (painful consequences or pleasurable consequences), then think of this for a moment:
On a cold afternoon, what would get you out of your house to the gym?
Is it the thought of how you would look with six-packs, OR, is it the thought of how you can develop high blood pressure in your old age if you don’t stay fit?
That should settle it!
NoFap Benefits vs Porn addiction side-effects as motivators
If I gave you a sheet that has a table on it.
On one side of the table, I list the NoFap “superpower” benefits (like the ones you usually see on Reddit).
On the other side, I list the side-effects of porn addiction (shit like how your marriage could crumble because of it).
Which side of the table will emotionally resonate with you the most?
The side that emotionally resonates with you the most should be your NoFap motivators.
This is the first reason why NoFap motivation doesn’t work for some people. It’s because they choose the wrong side of the pain-pleasure consequence scale.
The person most motivated by pain goes on Reddit and reads the benefits of NoFap and wonders why he relapsed some hours later.
The person most motivated by pleasure reads up on the side-effects of porn addiction and doesn’t know why he keeps relapsing.
So, as a motivation rule of thumb, the next time you search for NoFap motivation, you should first figure out which side of pain-pleasure consequence motivates you the most.
After you’ve figured that out, target the motivational quotes or memes that resonate with you the most.
Motivation Fades faster than you think
So, let’s assume you’ve done it all the way you’re supposed to.
Let’s assume you’ve got your motivation personality down. You’ve consumed the right motivation content. And you’re feeling pumped and want to go on NoFap forever.
Then what? How long will this motivation last?
For your average habits like eating healthy, working out, meditating, motivation usually lasts for 2-3 days.
But for habits like NoFap, motivation usually lasts as long as you’re reading the NoFap motivational stories you’re reading on Reddit. Once you close that window and get up, that motivation is gone.
And that’s why you’re relapsing hours after getting pumped on motivation.
Why NoFap Motivation doesn’t last
NoFap motivation doesn’t last. I can’t get into the details of why it doesn’t for now, but off the top of my head, here are some probable causes;
- Motivation is also an emotion. And like all emotions, they come, you experience them, and they go.
- Your brain secretes dopamine when you get motivated. And when the brain of a porn addict smells dopamine, it tends to go chasing for more dopamine through porn.
- You can become a motivation junkie. You enjoy the dopamine from getting motivated for NoFap that you never get around to the part of actually doing NoFap.
- When you get motivated, after a while, the fear circuit in the amygdala is also switched on. This overrides the motivation to keep you in check. To keep you stuck in the status quo.
Think of it this way. NoFap is different from everything else you’ve done. Things that can trigger your relapse are everywhere around you.
When you’re constantly bombarded with porn triggers from the media, your environment, all through the day, getting pumped on motivation can’t do much to help you.
Here’s where most people fail when it comes to NoFap motivation.
They think that motivation is the be-all of their NoFap success. So, on days (or hours) when their motivation has depleted, NoFap goes out the window.
Awareness can help you avoid the NoFap motivation ditch
I want you to take this post as a wake-up call.
You’re now aware that there are motivation personality types and that motivation doesn’t last. You’ve learned that in some cases, it can lead to a relapse.
I’m not saying to get motivated at any stage of your NoFap is bad. There are times I go on the NoFap forums and YouTube to consume motivational content.
But, I want you to be aware of the fact that it isn’t what will take you to the finish line.
You have to look beyond motivation for your NoFap success.
So, if I’m telling you to look beyond motivation, I should provide you with an effective alternative.
I got you!
A fail-proof plan as an alternative
According to researchers, basing your new habits or behaviors on motivation isn’t a sustainable plan.
These are what you can count on to sustain your NoFap journey:
Focus on your processes and systems
Everything is possible with the process. If you believe religiously in the processes and systems you set up for your NoFap, you won’t need motivation to be successful.
There will be hard days on NoFap. Prepare for these hard days. And when they come, welcome them with open arms.
Examples of processes and systems you can set up for the hard days on your NoFap are things like;
- Setting up porn filters on all your devices,
- Getting an accountability partner,
- Picking up NoFap keystone habits,
- Pick up passion projects,
- Work on improving your willpower,
- Become more social,
- Cold showers,
- Purposely fill your calendar with things to do,
- When you start having porn cravings, pick up a book to read,
- And I could go on and on to fill a whole post with systems and processes—aside motivation—that can help you achieve NoFap.
Be present in the hardship. It’s all a part of the process.
Always searching for motivation when you’re on NoFap is an attempt to escape the current reality of how things are.
What you don’t know is that when you’re on NoFap, how things are is how things are supposed to be.
The porn cravings, the flatline, the boredom, the depression, that comes with NoFap are all a part of the process. You need to pass through all these stages to heal.
And until you become present in them, until you accept them as part of the process, and realize that they’re all happening because your body is healing, you’ll keep relapsing when they occur.
Don’t try to escape your porn cravings and your flatline by always looking for motivation. Stay with them. Learn the fact that they’re temporary. That’s what they trying to teach you. They’re trying to teach you how to come out on the other side.
Because if you’re constantly escaping with motivation, motivation itself eventually becomes a drug.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
I hope you found this post helpful.
Do share this post so it can be helpful to others out there, who are going through what you’re currently going through.
Till the next time we speak again,
Your Fellow Fapstronaut,
STAY HEALTHY, STAY WEALTHY